29th May 2000 - Lake Coniston, Bailiff Wood

After another ill-fated day, it has been decided that Tom is the common denominator in the mishaps which occur on FINS diving trips.

The day started well when not one of the 5 carloads managed to find Bailiff's Wood within 1 ½ hours. Most sailed right past the car park and ended up halfway round the lake, while Graham realised our contingent had gone wrong when we reached the sea! Once we had all eventually arrived, there was a distinct lack of enthusiasm while everyone contemplated the murky water and the chilly wind, but when the sun had come out, we all perked up.

The Curse of Tom returned when, having got completely kitted up and about to submerge, I realised that my BC was not inflating. Gutted (!) by the fact that I would not now be able to enter the dark, cold, deep and spooky waters of Coniston, I was forced to return to shore. It was hard to convince the others of the problem when my jacket was found to be in perfect working order by Ivan on his return, but Sheila and Jayne will bear witness!

The actual diving was described as 'OK' - probably the best Coniston gets. Angie listened to Andy Locky's positive advice, 'you'll get freaked out' - and did!

The highlight of the day was when 'person or persons unknown' managed to lock the keys in Tom's van. After discussing several possible means of action, it was eventually decided that a piece of wire would be the best implement. The Captain stunned us all when he failed to produce the said item from his spares kit, but Dave, Graham and Brian proceeded to vandalise a Lakeland Trust fence in true Mike Baine's style and came through with the goods. (Brian, it later emerged is a dedicated Lake District warden!) Everyone had a go at breaking in - and Ivan was worryingly enthusiastic - but it was a surprise move by Andy 'car thief' Nevett which eventually opened the door to a round of applause. Gillian was probably the most relieved as her lunch was inside!

After all that excitement, it was decided that we needed a drink so we abandoned a second dive in favour of the Newby Bridge Hotel.

Thanks to everyone for a great day out - we are currently looking into extending the Club insurance to cover us against Tom!

SH

6th May 2000 - Stranraer, Scotland

One hundred. A dive I am not going to forget in a rush. This was the launch of the SS Ten Bellies and I was duly picked for the official launch. Once at the slip at Kirkholm, and after getting our dry suits on, we unveiled the RIB and slowly eased her into the water. Having no undue problems, we then headed off. After about an hour we decided to do a dive near some cliffs; the sea looked reasonably sedate and clear. Graham, Richard and Brian were first in, but after a couple of minutes they were back on the surface and they said the visibility was crap. We decided to go a bit further out. Brian, once on board, decided to throw up over the side (thankfully) and he decided that he was not going to dive as he was bad. He tried to blame it on the sausage he had for breakfast, but I was informed that he had taken a liking for Bacardi Breezers the night before so this may have had slight bearing on his sea sickness.

Richard and Graham went in again and had about a thirty minute dive. During this time we made Brian do quite a bit of work putting the flag up, draining the water; all whilst he was ill, poor lad. The DMB appeared 300m away from the RIB. This was duly pointed out by Brian, but martin and myself were enjoying our sandwiches and a drink so we finished those before we made a move for the DMB. For some reason Brian did not fancy his tuna and cucumber sandwich, which was a shame because it did look quite good! On board they said the visibility was about 5m with very little current.

It was now Martin’s and my turn. We kitted up, got the RIB in position and rolled in; we gave each other the OK signal and down we went.It was obvious straight away that the sea had changed in a few short minutes, (in hindsight we should have surfaced but we didn’t). We hit the bottom at about 22m and had to immediately switch our torches on. It was dark with them on; visibility was only about 3m, the current had changed significantly and to put it mildly we were off. The current was about 4 knots so we were later told. Even at the speed we were drifting there was plenty of wildlife to see such as Crabs, Dahlia Anemone, Starfish, Plaice, Soft Corals such as Dead Men’s Fingers. The dive lasted about 30mins and we had really enjoyed it; it was now time to send up the DSMB. Well the first one did but not without taking the reel with it (we should have known by now the dive was going to take a turn). We sent up another DSMB and surfaced without any problems. We surfaced right next to the first DSMB so we quickly recovered it. Then the fun started. Where was the RIB? Nowhere to be seen. We waved the marker buoys; 5mins passed, 10mins passed still no RIB. Still nowhere to be seen, we looked at each other and decided we would have to do something. We tried to swim to shore, but the swell was too great, and even though it was only a few hundred meters away we were soon getting tired and going nowhere. As we were finning we were also getting separated and we decided to let the tide take us with it towards the coast in the distance. Clipping ourselves together we drifted with the tide waving our DSMB’s every few minutes hoping that Brian, Graham and Richard on the RIB would soon catch a glimpse of us or have called the coast guard. Time ticked by and nothing, we even imagined that we had heard or even seen the RIB in the distance but this was false hope and we just talked to each other, knowing that we were perfectly ok but also knowing that Brian, Graham and Richard had absolutely no idea of what had happened to us. 45mins had elapsed and just as we were starting to think that we were not going to be found in the near future the Three Musketeers appeared as from nowhere, with great relief to both us and them. As they drew near they were given the ceremonial V sign and as they pulled next to us I suggested that we didn’t do another dive that day as Martin and myself had spent too much time in the water as it was. We got on the Rib dekitted and Martin lit up. Everyone happy and relieved, we explained that we had a really good dive but could have done without the surface interval. One thing about the fear of losing someone at sea is that it is a good cure for seasickness; just ask Brian.

The lesson learned from this dive is; if you are diving a new site in open water make sure that you take a Surface Marker Buoy so that you can be easily followed by the dive boat.

TS

Good Friday, 21st April 2000 - Newby Bridge

Twelve of us turned out for our Good Friday dive at Newby Bridge, including 3 non-divers. Unfortunately, unlucky 13 was Tom who lost the gear box from his van somewhere on the M6. On arrival at Fell Foot park there was a good turn out of on-lookers to see us enter the water, including a contingent who had journeyed all the way from Japan. Angela's entry wasn't quite as graceful as it might have been, but once in the water everyone put on a good show for the cameras.

With a very gentle current the dive itself was uneventful, though rumour has it that at least one buddy team managed to repeat the legendary 'Newby Bridge boomerang' manoeuvre (though were unable to sustain this for the impressive duration of 33 minutes achieved by the current record holders). First out after 52 minutes were Dave, Angela and Ivan, followed about 5 minutes later by Mike and Andy, and Graham and Richard. Andy and Mark brought up the rear with a dive time of just over an hour.

While we were in the water Sue, Sheila and Katie, still on 'dry land', were caught in a sudden downpour, but were still on hand to meet us when the call went out on arrival at the Swan Hotel. A very enjoyable day out was concluded with lunch at the Newby Bridge hotel, and we still managed to get away in time to beat the bank holiday traffic.

IH

Monday, 3rd April 2000 - Stoney Cove

A fine day was had by all last monday with the usual occurrences. Ten bellies hung over from the years of abuse, no change there, big girl Tom had to dive with Andy Loughran again and hold his hand, and damp suit Mike again took a quantity of the dive site home with him in his underpants. I wonder what he does with all the water he collects... a trout lake in his garden perhaps?

The trip home was extended by some to allow for a quick half! 3 hours later the traffic had subsided enough to return to Lancs. Next trip to be possibly Easter week. Tuesday or Wednesday? We will inform any interested parties shortly.

TT

Friday, 21st May 1999 - Sunday, 23rd May 1999 - Plymouth, Diving with Yorkies

It's Friday 21st May 1999. The Venue is Plymouth. I arrive at the B & B, the Hull (Yorkies) gang arrive 30 minutes later. I am introduced to some new and old faces. The Yorkies can be put into 3 categories; the sensible group Cliff and friend, Peter, Ray and Andy; the semi-sensible Chris; and the totally thick Yorkie and Alex. We make for the local pub. After a number of drinks, Yorkies eyes are glazing due to the number of brandies and the pills he's popped to kill the pain in his back. He states that instead of doing all the PADI courses from Open water to Rescue diver, he would have been better off doing a conversion from BSAC sportsdiver to the equivalent PADI rating. He looks at me and asks what would the change over be. I reply 'BUBBLE MAKER'. @&*! you, you &*$%, was his reply and the dummy has now been well and truly spat. '&*%$ing PADI divers I've shit um', he states. Peter now wants to get in on the act, he asks Yorkie a question, this very same question I had heard at junior school. If a plane crashes on the German-French border, where would they bury the survivors. Yorkie thinks for a second and replies, 'depends what nationality they are'. Peter now points out that they are survivors. More %$£&'s and %$£& spill from Yorkies mouth. 'Well I don't understand &*%$ing stupid things like that, I'm more into maths' Yorkie states. I say 'right, a maths question. If a cockerel lays 2 eggs a day how many eggs would it lay in a week?'. 'That's easy...' says Yorkie '...14 you silly &%*$'. I then point out that cockerels don't lay eggs. At that he totally flips, and starts calling everybody, who by this time are all laughing.

Saturday 22nd May. After a long boat journey to the dive site with four Yorkies ground baiting over the rails, we reach the site. A wreck in 25 to 30m depth of water. Myself and Yorkie are buddies. After a very good dive, I now have 8min/3-metre deco stop; Yorkie has the same on his computer. I stop at about 3.4 to 3.6 metres, Yorkies about a metre below me. After 8 minutes my computer clears, I signal to Yorkie has his cleared, the signal comes back YES. I signal back to go up, the OK signal is returned. On the surface Yorkies computer is beeping ten to the dozen. Back on the boat I look at his computer, he still has a 3 minute deco stop to do, this I put down to him being at about 4.5 metres. I say to him, 'you told me it was cleared'. 'Well, I was bored and couldn't be %$£&ing bothered'. By now the computer is in SOS mode. No dive for Yorkie in the afternoon, a sulk comes over his face.

After a 2-hour surface interval Yorkie say's he'll be alright to do a second dive, seeing that his dive profile is the same as mine. I then point out that he has an Aladin air and his air gauge won't work. The sulk reappears on Yorkies face. I jokingly suggest that I'll put my gauges on his cylinder, see if he's got the equivalent air, 300 bar, and then we'll dive using my air gauge. 'That's a good idea...' he say's '...because I've also got me pony'. I then tell him I was only joking and what a dick head he is for believing me. Cliff and friend enter the water for their second dive. Cliff signals to descend, his mate raises his left arm to dump. It's the first time I've ever seen a seal around the wrist and the sleeve around the elbow, the suit very quickly turned into a wet suit, dive aborted. My second dive is with Chris, the dive goes fine. I now get out my delayed SMB, attach it to the reel and pass the buoy to Chris to inflate. I later find out it's the first time he's deployed one. I've got my hand on the reel with the ratchet pushed in. I look to see how he's doing, to my amazement he thinks that the whole thing has to be full of air, it's now lifting him off the bottom. At this point he lets go, the SMB is off, taking the reel with it. I look at him, he just shrugs his shoulders. Saturday night, Andy, Chris, Alex and myself are off into town. I return from the toilet in one particular pub, to Andy in stitches laughing. He then say's to Alex, 'ask Martin that question'. Alex then confronts me with his question. 'If I were in a recompression chamber and deployed my DSMB, would it go up and stick on roof o chamber or what?'. After a couple of minutes dying laughing, we try (in vain) to explain how a DSMB works from depth and why it wouldn't work in a chamber. He's now even more confused.

Sunday 23rd May 1999. Dive 1 - The James Egan Layne. Yorkie and myself are back as buddies, with Yorkie using a spare computer. We enter the water, I signal to go down, he pulls his BCD hose ripping it straight from his jacket, he doesn't even realise. I try to retrieve the rubber washer, Yorkie starts pulling at my fins wanting to know what's happening and why we have moved off the shot line. I now show him his totally detached hose, he shrugs his shoulders and off he goes on his descent.

So if anyone's interested in diving with Yorkies, who's not that bothered about safety and want's a good laugh, they're doing a liveaboard on an old trawler, going from Scarborough and diving the North sea wrecks. It's leaving on Friday 25th June and returning on Sunday 27th June. GOD HELP THEM!

MW