The stork said to the hare:
“I want to see you bare”,
And the hare just blushed,
Whilst I rushed back to the party
To find a girl of my own.

Back at the party
Things started to heat up
As everyone finished their eighteenth cup
Of industrial-strength alcohol.
I was no gooseberry,
So I poured some whiskey,
Which I gave to the slugs,
And then we started on the drugs.

First came the magic mushrooms,
Which were coloured blue.
We made them into a stew,
Which we then poured over our heads.

Suddenly, it appeared as if the sky had turned maroon,
And in it was floating an enormous balloon,
And we could see the moon
Was spinning round and round,
And falling towards the ground,
So we all ran away and tripped to the floor
When we realised the moon wasn’t falling any more.

We laughed and as the hallucinations ended,
We decided to have a merry game of cricket,
Using the elephant as the wicket
And the giraffe as the bat.
I wore a hat, somewhere on my head,
But soon I realised it was time for bed,
So I said farewell to all the animals,
Then headed for the wood.

I must have thought I was Robin Hood
Or something,
‘Cause I’d got out my bow and arrow
And was shooting everything in sight.
It was now late at night,
So I looked up to the stars.
They looked more like racing cars to me,
So I decided to climb to the top of a tree,
And watch them drive by.

I started to cry,
Because it was dark,
And I was miles away from home,
So I got out my comb,
And brushed it through my hair,
Except there was nothing there:
I had gone bald,
And it was very cold,
And the night was old,
And all I could smell was mould,
But I didn’t care,
‘Cause I had become a polar bear.


© 2000 Matt Everett