Head Monk to Prisoners: Eat Grass

The head Buddhist monk in the Nonthaburi district near Bangkok addressed prisoners in BangKwang maximum-security prison, with the intention of helping Thai’s deal with the severe Thai economic crisis. The speech, though not officially religious dogma had the force of the Buddhist hierarchy behind it, and therefore was the public stance of religious authorities in general.

His holiness’ advice: "Eat Grass! Elephants and horses grow big and strong, yet they eat grass. You can as well! Look at how fast horses run; how powerful is the elephant. Grass is plentiful everywhere. This is the Buddhist Way- to follow natures example."

Just so there was no mistaking the serious nature of this speech, it was repeated a week later in each building, read out verbatim from a transcript by a high ranking official from the Thai correction department. The speeches predictably, were received without enthusiasm by the Thai’s.

They Believed Bill Clinton

The US President, in one of his more laughable promises, insisted to the Thai’s that help was on its way to save their economy. Billy then promptly submitted a request for funds to a hostile congress, where it was given the quick brutal death such a lame idea deserved. The Thai’s- sub-humans that they are, foolishly trumpeted Bill’s promise on Thai TV only to have it shot down in flames the next day. As the BKT Editors say "Stupidity is its own punishment"

Insane Escape Attempt

At high noon on Jan.28^th a group of 7 prisoners hijacked a garbage truck inside the Bombat sector of Klong Prem Central Prison. Guards with sub-machine guns mowed them down. 4 dead, 3 wounded. The truck driver was reimbursed

Palaeontologists Reach Agreement: Announce Discovery

New Sub-Branch Added to Human Evolutionary Tree.

A bitter controversy was resolved at yesterday’s special convention of the IPS (International Palaeontalogical Society) held here in Bangkok, as scientists reached agreement about the addition of ‘Homo Pseudo Erectus’ (jokingly referred to by some as ‘Homo-Not Quite-So Erectus’) to the pre-human evolutionary tree.

The dispute started after the first ‘Pseudo Erectus’ skeleton was found, and believed to be of modern (not fossil) origin, in direct contradiction to the gap it filled in the fossil record. A gap pre-dating present day humans by several millions of years. This discrepancy was settled to the satisfaction of the entire scientific community after a live specimen was dissected, and the peculiar defining characteristics of the skull and Endo-skeleton of ‘Pseudo Erectus’ were established once and for all.

"This is an exciting advance, a step forward in our understanding of human evolutionary development" said IPS Director Dr James Frogworthy, Palaeontology Dept. Head at the University of California at Utopia. "The discovery proves what we’ve long believed to be true, that there are far more dead ends along the evolutionary line than previously thought, and that some of the dead ends survive today." The professor raised a double chuckle among his colleagues when he added, "For once, we have plenty of specimens to study."

Some minor quibbling at the conference about the ethics of using live (versus dead) specimens ended amicably with the researchers pledging to use only preserved specimens in the future. The Thai Government expressed its willingness to assist the advancement of science by providing Thai corpses from Bangkok morgues to researchers free of charge. Differences between ancient Pseudo Erectus and modern Thai’s are so small as to be nearly undetectable, and Thai skeletons are suitable for use by palaeontologists. BKT Editors wish Professor Frogworthy lots of luck, and hope his research requires boat loads of skeletons!

Worm-Breeding Season Begins

The shower troughs look set to have a bumper crop of parasites this year, thanks to the ultra hot weather brought about by ‘El Nino’ (cyclical drought conditions). The water is literally swarming with algael nematodes- Primitive Worms that rise from algae growth along the trough walls that feed on faeces and other biological waste products, plentiful in the shower water. Surfs up, Parasite Lovers!

13^th Century Revisited: - Thai Medical Care

A western tourist visiting Thailand on holiday rarely needs or uses medical facilities, outside of the occasional trip to the pharmacist. Should the need arise, however only one hospital exists which legitimately meets the hygienic and quality standards of Western medicines. This is St. Louis Hospital on North Sathorn Road in Bangkok, run by a French based order of Roman Catholic nuns, The Sisters of Mercy. Though there are narrow specialists that are also catered to via small expensive clinics (notably eye surgery, plastic surgery and dentistry. Plus the omnipresent VD Clinics). The rest of Thailand’s medical care system is a sea of darkness.

Because of the explosion in the number of Aids victim, especially in poor rural areas already underserved by trained physicians. Steps were taken two years ago to rapidly increase the population of licensed doctors. How was this to be accomplished, you might ask? The Thai authorities drastically reduced the requirements (never very high) for obtaining a MD Degree from 4 years of postgraduate training down to 2 years. Internship/Residencies are now optional, and for those willing to practise outside of major urban areas, are dispersed with entirely. The highest grade awarded to nurses was also lowered to 6 months study from an inadequate 1-year program.

This did indeed increase the number of MD’s in circulation, but the price paid was that for all intents and purposes a well trained nurse in the US receives more than double the amount of training of a Thai MD. This ignores any comparisons of the quality of that education. In just one example Chula Long Korn University Medical School (the most respected such institution in Thailand) in its course pre-requisites to a MD degree includes a mandatory course on Thai astrology-that’s right horoscopes and all. Medical horror stories are legion and all MD’s are brought into disrepute by this short-sighted government policy.

All of this, regrettable and hideous as it may be, applies only to medical care outside of prisons. The ‘care’ within prisons is a glimpse of what medicine must have been like for you’re average Medieval European Peasant. To start with, pretend the discovery of antibiotics lies far off in the future (since in reality only foreign prisoners can afford to buy them). The prison refuses to spend any money on medicines for prisoners, who it sees as an utterly expendable, sub-human labour force. The only medicines issued with regularity, therefore are donated ones. Either from excess government supplies, foreign aid agencies or expired sell by dated medicines from the larger pharmaceutical companies. In practice, this is limited to paracetamol, a Thai version of Chlorpheniramine for colds and fevers, and Whitfields ointment (given once a year for free) which is an anti-fungal, anti-bacterial cream. Beyond this they will provide only a prescription, which the prisoner must somehow arrange to pay for and purchase via a friend or relative ’outside’. With a population of just under 10,000 in BangKwang, perhaps as many as 200 Thai’s are able to afford and arrange this. The rest live in an age where simple infections maim and kill.

Extend your imagination a bit further, to take in the truth in its entirety. All pharmaceuticals for any ailment Do Not Exist. The medicines that average Thai’s in prison can get are simple, somewhat dodgy herbal remedies. Stomach aches, ear aches, eye infections (all common from the dirty bathing water) scratches, scrapes, burns and the usual aches and pains (everyone sleeps on cement floors, with only thin pallets of blankets for beds). All are dependent on treatment by stuff with limited effectiveness, of doubtful potency and consisting of unregulated questionable ingredients. Catching anything more serious than these ailments is to enter into ‘wait and see, live or die’ territory. Unrelieved suffering is guaranteed, agony, disfigurement and/or death are all possibilities.

The real monstrosities though are to be found in actual ‘treatments’. When a prisoner’s condition deteriorates to the ‘dragged off in a cart, screaming and moaning’ stage, the options are limited as they are grotesque. There are three standard ‘treatments’. Firstly, for infections gone gangrenous, broken bones, unexplained swellings or tumours, amputations are done. For slower illnesses such as Tuberculosis, Cancers, Heart Disease etc. the treatment is bed rest and paracetamol. For any other disease, the prisoner has a choice no treatment at all until death, or random ‘experimentation’ by ‘blue-boys’ (prisoner-trustees in the hospital: - Wannabe doctors whose usual conviction was for fraudulently selling bogus Aids cures or other nostrums that killed the patient taking them).

Smothering patients to hurry things up in hopeless cases is common as is deaths from air bubbles in carelessly administered injections, and near total mortality from infections following unhygienic surgery. The results of Thai prison ‘medical care’ are plainly visible among the prisoner population – a non-stop ‘freak show’ displayed everywhere. These include amputees numbering in the hundreds (all with crude prison made prosthesis). Innumerable disfigurations, scars, and abnormal growths. Twisted and deformed figures limping along without crutches often shackled in chains. And most horrible of all weeping sores, wounds and pus-infected fungal growths all flourishing untreated in the tropical heat. As a long time visitor, I can say with certainty –The 13^th century wasn’t pretty! Oh, well normal life in BangKwang!

The ultimate low-maintenance Pet! £1. ‘Purrrfect’ for the elderly, shut-ins or prisoners. The companions that can go anywhere you do. No muss, fuss or mess. Packed up to its neck in clean sand in a sturdy 5 gallon paint bucket, you’re new friend is completely at you’re mercy. Life expectancy is three weeks. Also available: rat in a can, Gecko in a can and others. Offer only valid in Thailand.

ANIMAL LOVERS!!!

If you are sickened and horrified at the cruelty of this ad. Help stamp out this evil in Thai prisons by donating £1 for every animal freed to the ‘zine.

Mum’s Knickers: Real Smuggling!

As you can probably imagine, almost anything and everything available can be purchased for an agreed sum (bribe) here in Thailand due to the corrupt nature of the beings from this nation. Not too many moons ago, with this knowledge firmly in mind, a camera followed by film were acquired.

Various characters took some snaps of the prison grounds and inmates, so there are a variety of shots (candid camera style). On completion of the film, there was a problem of getting it not only out of the building, but also out of the prison. Not an easy feat and dangerous to use the same route as was used for delivery. Inside visits were being held over this period so there was a chance. Inside visits are held twice yearly for foreigners in an area where parcels are delivered from outside. The area is 50 feet by 25 feet approximately, and is furnished with those cheap plastic tables and chairs spread here and there. When the visits are in progress, guards virtually surround the area (waiting for the chance of a bribe).

If the convicts family or friends arrange with the consulate in advance, they are allocated 3 visits, which are either mornings, for about 2 hours or afternoons for about 1½ hours. Usually there are queues, and the visit time is drastically reduced due to incompetence and laziness on the guard’s parts.

My mother had 3 of these visits at the time, and on the first I mentioned the film, plus a plot to get it out. She agreed to the plot (she’s a great Mum).

When the second visit was due, I hid the film in my underpants, under my dick. I also took out an eyeglass case with a photo and a couple of odds and ends in it to act as a distraction when searched. The distraction worked, and nobody grabbed by dick. So, I sat at the plastic kiddie table with Mum scoffing the treats she brought, and keeping an eye out for an opportunity to give Mum the film. An opportunity (the only one) arose right at the end of the visit. Prior to this the guards were too watchful; and numerous. Mum and I both stood up for a cuddle and a kiss. During the cuddle I was able to wedge one of my arms between us and retrieve the film which I kept hold of under two of my fingers. With my other fingers I pulled open the waistband of my mum’s skirt and the big elasticated knickers she wore for the occasion. With a quick flick I dropped the film into the abyss. Mum made it through the checkpoint and now has the snaps.

The ‘Water Monster’ of Shower Trough #1

A rumour that would normally be discounted as mere Thai superstition has taken on greater seriousness as the Thai Authorities have closed access to shower trough #1 (without explanation, and no apparent cause).

There are 3 large troughs for bathing in building 2; each trough roughly measuring 40 feet long and 4 feet deep. These troughs are built of concrete, and are filled with water via a sewer line pumped directly from the nearby Chao Phraya River (notorious for its filthy, poisonous water)

Thai prisoners claim that a ‘water monster’ or ‘water beast’ (nam-sat-day-la-shan) generally matching the description of some sort of mutant crocodile has found its way into the shower trough where it preys on unwary bathers. According to their stories, this ‘monster’ is believed to be an escaped by-product of the grotesque overfeeding of crocodiles by Thai military personnel at down river crocodile farms. This overfeeding consists of human bodies disposed of in large numbers by the army in the aftermath and cover-up which followed the ‘Coup d’etat’ of 1992. The long list of students and others still recorded as missing from the ’93 debacle lends credence to this theory, as does the foul reputation of the army, and the occasional crocodile farm escapee.

An entire ritual and gambling industry sprang up from the ‘monster’. Further reinforcing the possibility that it is more than just a myth. The ritual was strictly followed (until the closure) and once established never varied. In it the newest Thai prisoner to the building (still wearing heavy chains- which are not removed for 3 months of entering BangKwang) would be seized, and forced to the edge of the trough, then tossed into the water. Heavy betting then took place each afternoon at shower time on whether the monster would feed, and if it did, whether the new Thai would survive (7-1 odds on average). Bettors say the monster generally fed once a week, although it was known to have eaten three days running, as well as to refrain from eating for a record 2½ weeks. Fortunes were lost during the 2 ½ weeks as bettors-certain the monster would be driven by hunger to eat, doubled, trebled and quadrupled their bets, only to be bankrupted by the fickle beast.

Though outsiders unfamiliar with the prison might well mock the whole matter, there are to be fair two more points in favour of the Thai’s. First, the shower

Water is so murky, with algae and filth it has zero visibility, and could hide an army of such creatures. Second the period of supposed’ monster infestation’

Has exactly coincided with many false alarms about escapes- caused by a short count at night due to a missing prisoner, these alarms are never explained though Thai whispers supply gory details of the day’s victim. Whatever the truth, one is better off avoiding shower trough #1- wouldn’t you?

Industrial Morons

SO DON’T LET IT HAPPEN IN YOUR’E NEIGHBOURHOOD FOR STARTERS.

" Fashion Felonies"

There are people with bad taste in clothes, and then there are people who should be arrested for what they wear (and we’re not talking cute 16-year-old nymphets in see-thru bits of fluff neither). In order to cut down on this vicious form of visual assault, the BKT editors ask all readers to join them in mocking these ‘fashion felonies’ and to encourage the passage of strict laws to deal with it- Go Tories Go!

Some FF’s Spotted in ol’ BangKwang:

FF# 1: Day-Glo purple and green skin-tight rayon clothing(definite colour combo atrocity) – Recommended Sentence: 10 years hard labour, plus a good sharp whack on the genitals.

FF#2: Fluorescent coloured spandex ‘grape-smuggler pants. Despite best efforts by all to discourage them, obese and just plain ugly people continue to wear these (serious nightmare material!) – Recommended Sentence: 10 years ‘community service’ in a sewer, or marriage to one of those obnoxious broads on the flop TV show ‘Women Behaving Badly’.

FF#3: T-shirts with meaningless or brain-dead slogans on them (see issue #1). These are particularly harmful to children and should be completely banned. – Recommended Sentence: Death, preferably using some barbaric medieval method of slow execution. That’s it for now folks! And remember- Dress with taste, or just don’t bother!

I haven’t got a clue what the word ‘Bombat’ means in Thai, but if I had to hazard a guess I would say ‘ A place full of bastards’. Bombat is where one is sent ( if you are a drugs case) after the obligatory 7 days spent in the luxury of a Thai police station- where one is formally charged.

The Authorities claim that Bombat is a hospital- Ha.ha.ha!! In fact, the building areas (measuring some 60x30m) contain only sleeping quarters (60 odd men in a room 24’x14’) and factories of low-tech slave labour manufacturing. The official ‘hospital’ is merely 2 small rooms, one for taking urine samples for drug tests on new inmates/victims. The other is set aside for a creature that puts stitches in Thai scalps after ‘commando’s’ (guards) have finished their ‘drumming practice’ with batons.

Quite a few junkies arrive at Bombat, two cold showers a day is their only treatment they get, unless they’re Thais in which case they get the added bonus of a clubbing. Of course not only Thai junkies suffered clubbings if a guard was in a bad mood, virtually any excuse was enough- even a guy moving slightly in a stationary line. These spectacles were horrifying, a bit like watching seal clubbing, as the victims were defenceless, and on many occasions were beaten to death. Afterwards their bodies are thrown onto a rubbish trolley and wheeled out to wherever bodies were disposed of (cremation is standard in Thailand so no awkward questions from autopsies)

Besides horror Bombat is a place of bewilderment. On your first day, you’re scalped by ‘trustees’ in blue uniforms who have no hairdressing experience at all. You then end up looking like Friar Tuck on a bad hair day. At meal times we had to locate food for ourselves – prison food is red rice and fish heads (prison cats won’t touch the stuff). The toilets are all ‘squatters’ where one is in full view. They remind me of a coconut shy, only one throws eggs instead of balls at all the Thai’s in their ready to leap, toad-like poises.

The only currency is ‘Tamchai’ –an aspirin type powder sold in a packet the size of a credit card. In 1994, 50 Tamchai’s bought one pack of Krung Thep cigarettes, so they had a value of ½ bhat (slightly less than a penny).

Every 12 days we were shackled (by an untrustworthy trustee who always carried a lumphammer with which to hit fellow prisoners), and taken to court in a Toyota prison van –80 plus men crammed into a 13’x6’ vehicle. By some miracle, in spite of being stuffed together far tighter than sardines in a can, I never saw anyone suffocate to death. What a stink! We all wore ‘Monkey suits’ made of some horrible itchy material – brown in colour and only available in children’s sizes. This 12-day nightmare is repeated 7 times if one is not sentenced, then every month thereafter ‘til your case is finished.

On arrival at court, we were put in pens until called. If you have a case partner you’re handcuffed to him all day, as you scurry along in you’re shackles together; Friar Tuck haircuts, in a ‘monkey-suit’ and smelling putrid to be presented to a judge. Not to forget that in Thailand one is guilty until innocent, and fuck me even the Pope would look guilty in this set up. If one has the audacity to plead innocent and then lose (a foregone conclusion) then you get double the sentence automatically.

In Bombat, most foreigners stayed in #4 or 5. When we stayed late due to an afternoon court appearance, we arrived back at Bombat "Too Late" to be returned to our regular rooms. Instead we were herded into #3 – no food, sleep on wooden platforms lousy with bed bugs, with the leg chains on all night. Court wasn’t the worst of it, but more later readers! Just a little bit of Thai remand prisons for you’re reading enjoyment!

 by Johnny Wheeler

The Weightlifting Manly Men

Men here in BangKwang prove that ‘masculinity’ is a very flexible term.

Firstly, there are the weightlifters. These men use various primitive designs of equipment made out of cans filled with concrete, which are then slid onto steel bars, along makeshift wooden benches. These fellows train in small groups, each taking his turn on the improvised equipment, then checking himself out in a big old mirror afterwards for a longer period than he just exercised. Each has his turn on the weights, then to the old mirror through various exercises (routines) until they are in pain through an injury, such as a torn muscle or a bad back. After the workout they sit together or strut around like a cock would his plumage, only in clothing that’s far too small. These guys are also into their tans (unless they’re Nigerian) and remind me of brown condoms filled with conkers.

Secondly, you have the ‘Butt Boys’ who are partial to Thai men’s bottoms (the Thai’s aren’t included in ‘manly men as they all fuck each other anyway). Yes, it’s true – these characters do exist and they seem to believe that they are doing the only true ‘manly’ thing there is in prison. Some are constantly scammed by the others until he eventually learns the ropes. The cost of this ‘teaching’ process is all ones belongings, food, credit resources etc. From this time on the newcomer starts to learn how to achieve oneness, unity of body and mind through the craving of white powder.

Lastly, we have the penultimate in testosterone – The ‘BK Do Gang’, and yes unfortunately an element of ‘manly men’. When I started the martial arts it was so I could fight better - to be honest- then I gradually absorbed some of the other ‘true’ meanings behind them.

The students from Asia, namely Afghanistan, Nepal & Japan are all from totally male dominated societies, so there’s a feeling of the ‘Men Amongst Men’ thing. The Japanese are already attuned to the martial way, but this particular Jap. Student is also into the ‘OBM’ Syndrome (Ol’ Big Mirror) of ego lifting.

Then there are the Nigerian and Ghanaian who are also into the ‘Fashion Felony’ gear (see p.11) and heavily into the ‘OBM’ Syndrome. The Ghanaian is quite rotund & in trying to keep up with the other ‘manly men joggles about like a pile of jelly filled balloon’s. Comic relief you might say.

Of course these folks all come from some place where it’s standard to mutilate ones infant relatives by cutting off their clitoris with stone knives.

How’s that for ‘manly men’?