Well folks, things are pretty grim around the globe right now. The collapse of Russia is giving Europe the jitters. Asia continues it’s downhill slide into economic misery and chaos, as Japan dithers with long overdue reforms. Latin America though (for once blameless), is getting sucked down the tubes: - collateral fallout from Asia as capital flees ‘submerging markets’.

In the Natural World, Mother Nature seems pissed off in a big way, New Guinea, The Philippines, The Caribbean, Et Al, are being battered with Tsunami, hurricanes and other disastrous phenomena to mention a few.

The Middle East is again a tinderbox of ethnic and religious hatred. Afghanistan vs. Israel, Israel vs. Syria & The Palestinians, Iraq vs. the Kurds, The Saudi’s vs. The US and The US vs. Everyone (except Israel) ad Infinitum. The same nonsense we saw in the ‘Bad ‘Ol Days’.

The countries of Eastern Europe are in bad shape, despite gazillions of Deutschmarks from a frightened Germany. War in the Former Yugoslavia (of the Guerrilla flavour). Africa particularly central Africa, looks set to go up in flames and carnage, as the ‘One Great Hope’, South Africa falters in its experiment with humane political reform. The list could go on indefinitely. Bummer!

But, on the bright side, the US economy keeps chugging away, defying the pundits, middle class investors didn’t panic at the stock market near massacre in August/early September. Europe is experiencing steady growth overall, and the Euro is on track, ignoring the occasional wobble.

The bottom-line – Don’t sweat it. Sure, the current world order is ending-messily. It’s the haves & have-nots, what else is new?

Cheers!

Once upon a time, there was a large, wicked Dragon named Forin Offiss. It was a pretty normal Dragon, as Dragons go. It lived in an imposing cave in Dragon City, and his day job was eating maidens, babies and other easy prey. The farmers that lived nearby were merely a nuisance to him.

After many years of being victimised, one day the local farmers finally got pissed of enough at the Dragon to do something about it.

They tied a maiden to a stake, then hid…. (With a giant net of course) in some bushes. Forin Offiss predictably enough showed up; and was caught. Just before the farmers could slaughter him with axes he begged "Please don’t kill me, I’m a magic Dragon, and if you let me go I’ll grant all you’re wishes. Colour TVs, free beer, safe streets, titty-bars – everything you could dream of!"

The farmers debated about it, and then let the Dragon go (after first making him promise to abolish taxes). He sprang free and gobbled the stupid farmers up!

The moral of the story is, Dragons are vicious fuckers, and you should kill them whenever you get the chance!

THE END

(Note: Remember C.E.A. Cholesterol Enforcement Agency, Evil Milkmen Etc.)

Not long ago, and not far away, there was an agency called the C.E.A.(Cholesterol Enforcement Agency). Their job was to enforce the C.J.A. (Cholesterol Junkie Act) which sought to stamp out the evils of fatty tissue build up from dairy products.

They were zealous in their pursuit of this grave societal threat and did everything in their power to break the back of the corrupt and dangerous ‘Dairy Mob’.

They regularly capture couriers (milkmen) with S.W.A.T. teams. Old ladies with big lumps of cheese were another target group. Most pernicious of all were the so-called ‘Baby-Pushers’ who’d hang around schools giving away free samples of milk to addict the kids.

Unfortunately things got out of hand. Every alleyway, every street-corner was clogged with the stuff! It was impossible to stop it!

In the end the powers that be wee so compromised by the secret bribes of the ‘Dairy Mob that they gave up on staunching the milk flow. They themselves became addicted: - Hot Fudge Sundaes, ice cream Sandwiches, Fondues. They wallowed in it.

And so the C.E.A. failed.

The moral of the story is: The laws of Supply and Demand always win!

THE END

Well, as the war finished with 2 atomic bombs being dropped on the macho Japanese Bushido believing nutters, they threw in the towel!!

As the years passed BangKwang filled up with the scum of Thailand. Killers, the worst in the kingdom. Once again the Samurai appeared, but this time they were Thai killers, usually killing outside in a drunken brawl and getting 100years. They will even kill their friends for a fee!

I made some such friends in the ‘Hole’ where I spent a year with them in appalling conditions. Because of this bond they offer regularly to do away with anyone who pisses me off. This cheapness of life to them is like killing a rat.

Also they will never get out of prison. Last week one new guy attacked a Samurai from behind with a cleaver. After the attack he ran to the office for help. All the officers were hiding! Bad luck for him! He was thrown out and the Samurai smashed him in the head with a 30kg plant pot! When he returns from hospital the fate that awaits him in building #10 where No1 the Samurai will kill him!

Here’s some of the things guys in here in ‘ol B.K.’ do with ‘pen-pals’. Names have been deleted to protect the guilty!

That’s about all for now folks! And ladies if you feel so inclined, some photo’s in lightly clad, suggestive poses would really help the time go by!

Here are some willing fellows to write to: Jon Wheeler

Hardo Krinn

Lee Williams

Thanks and God Bless Ya!

It’s too revolting to contemplate but, sometimes the Thai’s eat these crabs!!!

The cats are kept in business by field mice and rats. Since Thai’s will eat anything not nailed down, rats and mice are extremely paranoid and seldom spotted. But one sees them in the mouths of cats to know they are present and accounted for. Other mammals include pigs raised on the prison pig farm that are fed leftover rice.

In the reptile file, more lizards, gecko species than you can shake a stick at. Loads of ‘em all fat as hell from daily feasts of insects. Wish they’d eat more!

Also amphibians, toads, blue toads, fluorescent green, red-striped even purple toads, frogs too. Great varieties bring the wife and kids these creatures have to be seen to be believed! Living cheek by jowl with the frogs are many kinds of fish. Of birds there are too many kinds to mention, including macaws, parrots, jays and the inevitable pigeons, sparrows, gulls etc. It’s a real zoo folks! Oh yes, almost forget to mention the monkeys (but of course they don’t count!)

It’s not surprising that prisoners hope for amnesties – which in Thailand should more accurately be called partial remission of sentences by the king. These amnesties are entirely arbitrary, based as they are on the mercy of the monarch. Any cut in the time to be served is welcome particularly with a country like Thailand that hands out life sentences routinely for narcotics offences. However, there is a downside to these exercises of sovereign power.

This downside comes about from the cultural peculiarities of Thai’s. for starters, while the King himself is opposed to capital punishment, the authorities of the prisons feel rather differently. Readers can make of this what we will- the fact is, executions are carried out in batches just prior to amnesties. Prison wardens do this so that A) Death sentence prisoners can’t have their sentences reduced to life (and thus leave death row) and B) in order to avoid the displeasure of the King. Speeded up executions (using machine guns, incidentally) are much cause for rejoicing – sort of.

Other unpleasant side effects are numerous, but are of a lesser degree. To name a few, amnesties rarely include drug offences, on average one in three amnesties include narcotics offenders (amnesties occur every 2 years in Thailand) also, these reductions in sentence are not recognised by either the Thai government or Western governments as applicable to the Transfer Treaties. In other words, although prisoners who receive 50 years or less at their court sentences can leave after 4 years (lifers after 8) an amnesty does not affect this. If the King reduces your sentence below 50 years, it is ignored by all as if it never happened-cest la vie!

There are other bad bits. The nasty way Thai politicians lie in the state controlled media about the amnesties they’re going to grant (then are never given). They do this to quiet unrest among the grossly overcrowded prisoner population.

Speaking of which, amnesties tend to grant the smallest sentences the greatest relief, thus ensuring the prisons remain tightly packed with longer-term prisoners.

Last but not least, the twice yearly ‘inside visits’ allowed prisoners contact with family and friends- are cancelled when an amnesty approaches. This is because the prison staff are too lazy to bother with both inside visits and the paperwork of an amnesty.

Still, everyone loves an amnesty!

Rene a good blues guitarist from Switzerland was seeking freedom and contentment. He spent years in India where the Tibetans hang out. Leading his life in a very tranquil setting, smoking home grown and playing his guitar under the canopy of the heavens.

Rene’s peace was shattered when reality hit for a visa run and the need for funds. As bad luck would have it Rene ran into the entrapment gang and ended up here in the Hilton late 40’s.

Watana a small young man, small even by Thai standards is a resident here for whatever crime, serving a life sentence. During Watana’s questioning/interrogation after his arrest, he received some zaps from the police. When he arrived here he used to hide in plastic bins during thunderstorms so the lightning would not harm him. After some years an inmate who was an electrician helped Watana get over his ‘zap phobia’ by making a halo of magnets which Watana used to wear from time to time. He gradually healed and became the electricians apprentice.

When I last spent some time with Rene he was 49 years old and his blues music expressed his feeling of his abode in purgatory. Rene suffered from a heart/circulation problem and was receiving medication supplied from his Embassy, with the help of which this gentle being who hated any kind of violence may just pull through his ordeal.

One day Watana,s electrician friend left for another building. Luckily enough Watana had acquired enough knowledge of his own to set up his own little repair shop. He fixed Walkman headphones, all manner of small things which enabled him to eat white rice instead of the dreaded red rice with maggots that most Thai’s have to eat. Things were going well until the spectre in the uniform spent the money Watana had given him to buy some spare components with. On hearing the spectres bullshit story Watana blew a fuse (maybe zap memories arose). He hit the spectre across the bridge of the nose with a broom handle. A BIG MISTAKE!

More spectres appeared and kicked and kicked with their highly polished boots (which are cleaned by in-mates arselickers). The kicks were aimed mostly at Watana’s lower spine (typical Thai style). After a few minutes of this he was dragged unconsciously to the office. He made one more mistake – he twitched! The spectres noticed this twitch, and felt he was up to some more attention. Only this time some other spectres had arrived from another building to participate and watch. One even brought a bamboo club. Along with more edge of the sole powerful kicks this club was also wielded double handed with full force to Watana’s spine. He stopped twitching!

Renee’s medicine for his condition hadn’t arrived but the Embassy had delivered it! Spectre scams!

Peace loving Rene witnessed the second round of this brutality and stumbled away shocked, 30 minutes later he had a haemorrhage/stroke? And was taken out on a rubbish trolley just has Watana had been wheeled out on a similar contraption.

Watana is now in the punishment building but looks like something out of a Picasso painting, totally spastic but he survived.

Rene died hours later. We have not forgotten you Rene.