MONOPOLY (1997)

An early example of a convoluted script:

Table in centre of space. On table is the following -Top left: audio cassette, painted yellow. Bottom right: audio cassette, painted pink. Bottom left: cassette player. Centre: large dice constructed from six ceramic tiles. Behind table: flip chart with pictorial representations of specific Monopoly squares.

Costume - Left foot: plastic car. Right foot: boot. Groin: protruding toy battleship. Left hand: iron. Right hand: Toy dog on wire lead: Head: Large top hat covering entire face. All these costume items have been coated in silver paint (see below).

PROLOGUE: ENTRANCE (Props: Ceramic dice)

Enter space. Walk to flip chart. Uncover first sheet of paper. 'GO' square revealed. Walk to table and put yellow cassette in player. Press PLAY on cassette player - music: Ralph McTell - The Streets of London. Stand centre stage as music plays. Music fades. PAUSE cassette player. Pick up dice from table. Stand side on from audience, hold dice above head and drop. The dice should shatter. Inside is a copy of a London A to Z. Pick up and thumb through this, tear out page randomly and screw up. Drop A to Z. Walk to table and press PLAY on cassette player - sound cue: Ralph McTell - The Streets of London. Walk in circle around table. Music stops. PAUSE cassette player.

ACT 1: THE RAILWAYS (Props: Cardboard representation of an escalator, three tubes of paint - yellow, blue and brown, a small mound of earth on a saucer, three London Underground maps, a toy underground train - motorised - and circle of track, tape measure, toy station platform)

Place toy dog on table and iron on the floor. Take off hat. Walk to flip chart. Uncover next sheet of paper. 'TRAIN' square revealed. Walk back to table. Swap yellow cassette in player with pink one. Attach cardboard representation of escalator to side of table. Pick up toy dog, and push down escalator by means of wire lead. When dog reaches bottom, remove metal lead. Walk to face dog and gesture 'stay'. From underneath table reveal all the props one by one. Place toy train on track. Set up track and place station platform next to it on the right hand side. Detach escalator from table place bottom of it by the platform on table. Move dog from bottom of escalator to platform. Discard escalator. Pick up saucer of earth. Hold over stationary train. Start train. The train will move along the circular track. Follow with saucer above it at all times. After five revolutions, stop train next to platform. Place saucer of earth on table. Press PLAY on cassette player - sound effect: Train announcer - 'Mind the gap'. Point finger down at gap between platform and train. PAUSE.