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30 march 1995 - uwic, cardiff / 14 september, 1996 - european media art festival, osnabruck, germany
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A short second year university piece, somewhat under the influence of Vic Reeves I think. In the first of many attempts at mainstream approval, a section of the documentation was sent off to 'You've Been Framed', a television programme devoted to home video 'cock up's. This depicted me unceremoniously falling from a height of ten feet, albeit obscured by a curtain. The tape was rejected and returned.
So, here you are with a giant showbiz staircase to run down, and a backdrop constructed of seven foot tall spot lit letters that spell out your name. As an expression of over inflated egotism, this is fine. But what happens once the bottom of the stairs are reached? Is a grand gesture of Cecil B deMille proportions required? Don't ask me. I asked a friend. He suggested that I should run down the enormous flight of stairs to generous applause, and upon reaching the bottom, open my mouth, only for the lights to cut out. All this could be done in about sixty seconds perhaps. And that would be it. A beautifully perverse waste of energy, money and resources. No going through the motions to fill fifteen minutes - just an open mouthed audience waiting for the money shot that never comes. No boring rehearsals either. A cartoon angel then appears on one shoulder muttering something about respecting the audience. Then up jumps the devil and tells me not to give a shit, saying something like, wouldn't you rather watch thirty seconds of brilliance rather than thirty minutes of mediocrity? The dialogue continues about the potential for thirty seconds of mediocrity and as to whether is it better to regret something you have done rather than something you haven't done. Actually, I've got an answer to the last one. No. Absolutely not. Just the act of writing some of the other things I was going to do would be unpleasant enough - and as for putting them in the public domain...I don't know though - embarrassment needn't be anything to be ashamed of - in fact, it's useful for keeping that monster ego in check. So if you ever have the feeling that all your mistakes have already been made, just be honest with yourself; try to recall what you might have done, and remember what a genuinely good idea you thought it would have been at the time. You may now cringe at your leisure.