HARD WATER AND OTHER OBJECTS

A presentation by Robin Deacon

This performance was presented in several different ways, mostly as a string of non-verbal interactions with objects, but also as an academic paper with a textual element. The following is a transcript of the latter version of this piece. In all cases, the objects used were adjusted in some way.

INTRODUCTION: THIS IS NOT A FRYING PAN

"The first of the 'other objects' I'd like to show you today is this one..."

(Switch on hob. Reveal frying pan. Hit yourself over the head with frying pan)

"Just to allay any fears for my well being...this is not a frying pan..."

(Place pan on hob - through the next section of text, the frying pan - made of wax - begins to melt.)

"Flies in the ointment; spanners in the works; sand in the Vaseline; niggers in the woodpile. Last year, I became interested in materialising these analogies of contamination through the construction of a series of useless objects to be used in performances. The existing object is either altered in some way, or rebuilt from scratch, using materials that display different characteristics. The idea is that the raison d'être of the thing, whatever it is, is inverted, reversed or removed altogether, thus engendering a wholly different language of cause, effect and expectation. Today, I'm presenting these things out of context from their original performances in a sort of 'greatest hits' package. But I also want to look at this different language of cause, effect and expectation in a wider sense, beyond the confines of a performance where only I have the privilege of hitting myself over the head with a wax frying pan. So it is the metaphorical flies, spanners, niggers and sand in which I am interested."

(Put bag of groceries on table. Take out box of eggs)

LET ME TAKE YOU TO THE BEACH

"Before a magician saws his assistant in half, he will hold aloft his equipment (Hold up egg) to show that 'this is just a regular saw' - the standard issue platitudes."

(The egg has been altered by being filled with sand)

(Break egg in what remains of the melted frying pan - pause, repeat action twice. Finally, break egg onto your face - this egg has not been altered.)

"Of course, common sense would tell us that it is a mistake for the magician to take up cudgels against that which represents the aura of his practice (Attend to frying pan) debunking the art of the prestidigitator by revealing the pedestrian mechanics of this black art. However, one can deliberately introduce transparency to the proceedings; the iconoclastic idea of the magician that reveals his tricks, risking expulsion from some arcane circle, or the comedian who tells his punchlines first only to consequently die horribly on stage."

(Take off shirt and lay it on table) "Perhaps the emperor really isn't wearing any clothes. There is, suffice to say, a certain 'labour intensiveness' involved in making these things; the construction becomes a performance for which the audience is in absentia. This often happens to me. I get sucked into some incidental aspect of the work, usually an aspect that the audience is not present for. Consequently, the half an hour for which the viewers are present slips to the bottom of the hierarchy relative to the half an hour it takes to fill each of these eggs with sand."

THE VISUAL VERSUS THE VERBAL

"Away from the workshop, and within the performance, the aspiration was towards a self contained and fully unified visual pun.

1 - Desert: (Take baby cactus out of pocket and place in sand at the centre of the melted frying pan)

2 - Beach: (Knock over glass of water onto shirt laid out on the table. Break the last sand filled egg, forming a line of sand by the pool of water. Break egg shell into small pieces and arrange around it.

3 - Desert: (Take glace cherry out of pocket and place in sand at the centre of the melted frying pan)

Unfortunately, there is only so much the eye can do. Granted, if you look carefully, you'll see the holes on either side of the egg where the yolk and white have been drained out and the sand trickled in, but for me, the most interesting difference is in weight a haptic phenomenon is too subtle to be ascertained visually."

(Pick up last egg - this one has been altered by being filled with hard plaster)

"In most cases, including this one, the relationship with the viewer remains one of 'Look at this' rather than 'Hold this' or 'Feel this'."

(Pick up hammer)

The hammer has been altered by being cast in plaster and hand painted.

"Reverse alchemy. A biblical miracle going wrong. Turning wine into water. Gold into shit..."

(Hit hammer on egg - the hammer breaks, the egg remains intact)

"I was trying to recall something I read about the painter whose canvasses were so uncannily realistic, that birds would swoop down to peck at his representation of grapes, relative to Rene Magritte's written disclaimer that 'This is not a pipe' underneath his painted image of a pipe. But then again, in many situations, viewers have been drunk, or sitting at the back, or more usually, simply not paying attention."

(Reveal and lay out four more altered hammers in line. Pick up real hammer, smash plaster ones)

"Of course, this situation is different in that I'm dealing with what I'm assuming is a reasonably sober audience at 10.00 in the morning who may just be able to discern the lumpy application of paint and cracks that testify to my limited abilities in rudimentary plaster casting techniques."

(Pour water from jug into glass)

(The water has been altered by being replaced with a clear, but thickened substance, hence pouring is slowed)

(Take out smaller shirt from top pocket of shirt on table. Put on)

INTERRUPTION

"In 1950 with the help of two friends, Michel Mourre dressed up as a Dominican Friar and proceeded to insinuate his way into the cathedral at Notre Dame in Paris during Easter mass. He successfully ensconced himself in the pulpit, interrupting the rarefied atmosphere of the house of god with a blasphemous stream of anti-Catholic invective masquerading as a sermon. The chagrin of the congregation was well documented. Following the arrest of the miscreants, the newspaper headline screamed this trio of questions, "Three Mental Cases? Three Boors? Three Heroes?" Nearly fifty years later, I borrowed a friend's London Underground uniform and proceeded to insinuate my way into the into the entrance hall at Surrey Quays tube station on the little used East London line."

The following passage refers to the performance London Underground - part of the 'Social' event in September 1999 - click here for details

"Having successfully ensconced myself by the ticket barriers, I interrupted the steady flow of passengers, asking people to show me their hopefully valid tickets. Tickets were dutifully shown, one traveller remarking that it made a change having his ticket checked. Perhaps this is my 'homage' to this Notre Dame prank - I say perhaps because I read about this retrospectively. Unlike Monsieur Mourre however, I didn't have the nerve to do this for longer than 10 minutes, primarily due to the wide proliferation of CCTV in the station and my plain old fashioned cowardice. There were subtle things about my appearance metaphorical to the cracks and dodgy paintwork on the plaster hammers; clues to my status as impostor. For instance, the more perspicacious travellers will have noticed my under sized hat, perched on the top of my head in a rather ridiculous manner; my trousers hitched up a little too much...also, the fact that I had just spent the evening in the club over the road. In theory, the people whose tickets I was checking I had also been rubbing shoulders with on the dancefloor. A dead give away."

A QUESTION OF PLACEMENT

"All of this may seem like a digression, but the link is interruption. The anomalous. The everyday made strange. Could the same be done using these objects taken out of the context of a performance? In the realms of fantasy, perhaps; the following are things I have thought of doing only to be precluded by possible confrontation with the law and confrontation with my own sanity. (Take out rest of groceries, lay out on table) I spoke earlier about the relationship with the viewer as being one of 'Look at this' rather than 'Hold this' or 'Feel this'. Cutting into the smooth quotidian repetitions of household drudgery would be nice. When you crack open an egg, you expect an egg to fall out. Except, you don't even think about it. After all, you trust the packaging like you trust the uniform. These are some of more 'adjusted' packaged goods. Modern packaging techniques can deal with keeping the enemy without, out; baby locks, seals, shrink wrapping, buttons on lids that tell us 'when depressed do not use'. Other than at the point of manufacture, it is not at all easy to breach these fortresses without leaving evidence of things having been tampered with. Altering the product is one thing; returning them to the supermarket shelf from whence they had come is another. Stealing in reverse. Indeed, an oxymoronic premise. The only point of reference is with the disgruntled consumer taking revenge on society - the lone male placing broken glass in baby food to attain pecuniary advantage through menaces. However, it's important to point out that I'm not suggesting or advocating any form of terrorism or blackmail plots, but rather this idea of interruption; something inexplicable, rather than dangerous; but nonetheless, probably still illegal…"

(Take off smaller shirt and place on table. Open box of washing powder and pour onto shirt.)

(The washing powder has been altered by replacing contents of box with earth)

(Knock over glass of thickened water onto shirt. Scrub. Reveal jug of ice and try to pour. Pull out second even smaller shirt from pocket. Put on)

HARD WATER AND OTHER OBJECTS; THE WORKINGS OF THIS EQUATION

"Hard water - frozen water, ice; or hard water as in the deposits that build up on the element of a kettle. This is also called scale, thus suggestive of size. Or weight in the sense of weighing scales. Think about scale relative to water, the cartoon logic of shrinkage; clothes shrink in the washing machine."

(Take off shirt and place on table. Pull out smallest shirt. Try to put on)

(The shirts have become progressively smaller throughout)

(Pick up light bulb box. Take out bulb)

(The bulb has been altered by being filled with matches)

(Lift bulb over 'desert'. Smash onto table - matches revealed. Open toilet paper roll)

(The toilet roll paper has been replaced with sandpaper)

(Strike matches on sandpaper)

END