Left: Grip it! On that other level - Geto Boys / Right: Number 8 - Tristan Taplow, Railway Modeller, December 1990

"I know there are model locomotives lovelier than mine, and costlier by far, but the pleasure I derive from my '0 4 0 number 8' is immeasurable. It runs on double 0 gauge track giving off a compelling aroma of steam and hot oil. The boiler capacity is 200ml or thereabouts, and operates at a pressure of 30lbs psi. However, it at present lacks a pressure and water gauge. The spirit burner is snugly fitted through the aperture to prevent its ejection during motion. It has some fascinating characteristics when in steam and is a delight to the eye like bitches, all kinds of bitches, to take off my clothes and pull down my britches. If she's got big titties, I'll squeeze them and hold them, the exhaust pipe passing into the forward chimney while she sucks my dick and licks my scrotum, which is connected to the firebox, mounted on a small brass tank adjacent to the slide case. This collects most of the waste oil and condensate, directing it out through a 2mm pipe. If she's got a friend, I'll fuck her to, together we can play a game of switcheroo. The methylated spirit burner enters through the lower aperture as I ain't the type that gets all mushy; I just like to site back and watch them eat each others pussy's."

"A straight nose cock is fitted to the front end of the cylinder which when opened becomes single acting when you see you ho's got it wrong; think since a nigger say he love you, he ain't strong; with a rather impressive hissing steam sound. The copper boiler with super heater lieu is housed in a 32 gauge aluminium untouchable firebox; as a precaution however, I always fill the spirit burner and place it in the firebox and ignite it through the side hole. But that's the kind of nigger I am; a pussy fucking gangster, goddamn. Six different ho's a night, but number 8 responds more willingly to a favourable gradient, when I use lubricated rubbers to make the pussy feel right. However, there is always some water remaining in the boiler after the burner is extinguished. I try not to use solid fuel tablets as they cause deposits to form on the underside of the boiler. To clean the copper boiler, I put the pussy in its place, and right before I nut, pull it out, then to the face; and tell the bitch to keep licking, and prepare herself for another ruthless dicking. This sometimes results in a loss of tractive effort."

"I've never been played by a ho; if the bitch is acting stupid, she's got to go. Some motherfucker missed that? If she fucks with me, I'm a kick her little monkey ass. I'd also like to thank 'Sir' for the loan of the Stuart lubricator, Brownlow for the Mammod wheels, and my long suffering mother for tolerating all the stains on the carpet. The copper flange piping contributes to its two kilogram weight, but if you've fucked one mother, you've fucked them all; because if you mum offer me the pussy, the plumbing lagged with silicone tubing runs a rather bizarre course, the double acting cylinder determined by the position of the lubricator which faces the wrong way in relation to the type of nigger tell a ho suck dick. And if she ain't sucking, I've soldered a brass baffle across the top of the chimney as the steam exhaust pipe sometimes has a tendency to spit."

"Bitches look at me like I'm a faker, knowing goddamn well I'm a motherfucking heartbreaker, with a mechano brass reduction gearing to a 1 to 7 ratio transferring the drive by a wire belt with pulleys to the forward wheels. I've had them crying for months, because I fucked their best friends and put a whipping on their cunts. At the present time number 8 is confined to a test track in the garage but if the bitch don't give up the play, fuck her. Combined with a displacement lubricator, I'm a motherfucker. I put a bitch through a test, if she don't pass, she don't get blessed with a fibre wheeled stop valve. And if that test consists of fucking my whole crew, well goddamn bitch that's what you've got to do. Delivery to the engine is controlled, and fucked me till I was coming, put my nuts in her mouth, and started humming. Then, the entire mechanism runs smoothly, which I lubricate meticulously though excessively opened up my butt cheeks and started licking out my arse hole. Number 8 will hopefully migrate to the garden before Michaelmas term when I'll grab her by the mother fucking neck, and try and break it. You know who you're fucking with bitch?"