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THE CHIEF RIVERS
Even though I'm going on nine I only just finally understood that you really have to do your homework, whether you like it or not, whether you want to or not. There's no two ways about it, because if you don't you'll get into all kinds of messes,
Take yesterday, for instance, I had no time to do my homework. I was supposed to learn a poem by Nekrasov by heart. The geography assignment was to learn the chief rivers of North and South America. But instead of studying, I was busy flying my kite to outer space. It didn't reach there, because the tail was too light and it spun like a top. Besides, I didn't have enough string, so I had to use whatever I could find at home. Even though I took a spool from Mommy's sewing drawer it still wasn't enough. The kite only rose as high as the attic and stayed at that level. It was still a long way to outer space.
I was so busy flying it and thinking about outer space that I forgot all about my homework. That was something I never should have done.
I overslept a little the next morning, and when I bounded out of bed I hadn't a minute to spare. I'd read about firemen getting dressed in a flash and had liked the idea so much I'd been practicing jumping into my clothes all through the summer. When I got upand saw I was late I knew this was when I'd really have to get dressed as fast as a fireman rushing to a fire. It took me exactly 1 minute 48 seconds to get dressed completely, not counting the laces on my sneakers which I did on the run.
I just made it to school and got to my seat a second before Raisa Ivanovna entered the classroom. She'd been walking down the hall just as I was racing up from the cloakroom. I spotted her first and stepped on the gas, passing her just before she got to the classroom door. I'd made it by a couple of seconds, so that when she entered my books were in my desk and I was sitting beside Misha looking calm and collected. We all rose to greet her. I greeted her louder than anyone else so she could see how polite I was, but it didn't make any difference to her.
"Come up to the blackboard, Dennis," was all she said.
This ruined the day, because I suddenly remembered I'd forgotten to do my homework. I didn't feel like standing up at all. I felt I was stuck to my desk.
"Well, Dennis? What's the matter? Didn't you hear me?"
I dragged myself over to the blackboard.
"Recite the poem," she said.
That was the poem we'd been assigned. I didn't know it. In fact, I wasn't even sure which poem we'd been assigned. What if she'd forgotten, too? Then she wouldn't notice if I'd recite something else, so I plunged right in:
'Tis winter! Lo, the peasant triumphs,
He lays a way through snowy roads,
His horse, inhaling winter's snowdrifts,
Will gaily snort and pull its load.
"That poem is by Pushkin," she said.
"Yes, it is. It was written by Alexander Sergeyevich Pushkin."
"And what did I assign you?"
"Yes!" "What do you mean by 'yes'? Will you please tell us what the assignment was."
"What?"
"What 'what'? Repeat the assignment, please."
Misha looked very innocent when he said, "You think he doesn't know you assigned us a poem by Nekrasov? He just didn't understand your question, Raisa Ivanovna."
A friend in need is a friend indeed. Misha was that kind of friend.
"Don't you dare prompt him, Misha!" Raisa Ivanovna snapped.
"Yes," I said. "Don't you think I know Raisa Ivanovna assigned us a poem by Nekrasov, Misha? You don't have to prompt me. I was just absent-minded. You're just getting me mixed up."
Misha glared at me and then looked away. That left me and Raisa Ivanovna.
"Well?" she said.
"What?" I said.
"Stop saying 'what'!" she was getting close to the boiling point.
"Recite the poem!"
"Huh?"
"The poem!"
"Oh, I see. You mean the poem?" Then I said in a very loud voice, "A poem by Nekrasov. The poet. A great poet. A great Russian poet Nekrasov. A poem..."
"Well?"
"What?"
"Start reciting this minute!" Raisa Ivanovna shouted. "This very minute! What's the title?"
While she was shouting Misha managed to whisper the first word of the title. He was hardly opening his mouth, but I understood him anyway. That's why I thrust one foot forward and repeated what I thought he'd said.
A sudden silence fell upon the class. Raisa Ivanovna was looking at me with interest. I was staring hard at Misha. He was holding up a finger and snapping the nail. It was supposed to mean something, but I didn't know what. Some of the kids had begun to giggle.
"That's enough, Dennis. There's no sense trying to remember something you never know in the first place. And how about your self-improvement program? Remember, we decided you'd do a lot of outside reading to increase your knowledge? The class learned the names of the chief rivers of America for today. Do you know them?"
Of course I didn't. That kite had ruined my life. Just as I was about to confess I heard myself saying, "Sure, I do. Of course I do."
"Well, then, I'd like you to improve the terrible impression you've made by your failure to recite Nekrasov's poem. Tell us which the longest river in North America is and you may go back to your seat."
That's when I really felt bad. I even got a stomach ache. Honest. It was so quiet you could've heard a pin drop. Everybody was staring at me. I was staring at the ceiling. I was positive I was going to die any minute. Goodbye, everybody! At that very moment I saw my friend Petya holding up a long strip of newspaper in the back row. There was writing on it and the letters were so big he must've written them by dipping his finger in the ink. I tried to make the writing out, and just as I'd made out the beginning, Raisa Ivanovna said,
"Well, Dennis? Can you tell us which the chief river of North America is?"
I was back on firm ground now. "Missy-pissy," I said.
I won't tell you what happened after that, but even though Raisa Ivanovna was laughing so hard there were tears running down her face, she gave me a big fat "D".
That's why I swore I'd do my homework from now on, right up to my old age.