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'The Amy', alias Amy the Aromatic, is the bane of
my life; a most unattractive black kitten which my human brought home in early
2002. My human calls her 'Amy', which must mean 'pain in the tail' in
human speak. Although I continue to harass her, bite her and encourage her
to vacate this 'one puss home', she persists here, which creates
overcrowding, food shortages, less attention for me, and my permanent bad
mood.
I refuse to show you better pictures of Amy. What self-respecting King of the
beasts sleeps like this? This is how I prefer you to see her....... |
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DOLLAR'S
OBSERVATION:
Cats do what they want, when they want.
They rarely listen to you.
They're totally unpredictable.
They whine when they are not happy.
When you want to play, they want to be left alone.
When you want to be alone, they want to play.
They expect you to cater to their every
whim.
They're moody.
They leave their hair everywhere.
They drive you nuts.
CONCLUSION: CATS ARE SMALL
WOMEN (?MEN) IN FUR COATS. |
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Sometimes Amy needs a bath. This is how
my slave should do it.
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1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.
2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have
both
lids lifted.
3. Catch Amy and soothe her while you carry her towards the bathroom.
4. In one smooth movement, put her in the toilet and close both lids.
(You may need to stand on the lid so that she cannot escape). CAUTION: Do
not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as her paws will be
reaching out for any purchase they can find. Amy will self-agitate and make
ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from your toilet, Amy is
actually enjoying this.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "powerwash"
and "rinse" which I have found to be quite effective.
6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there
are no people between the toilet and the outside door.
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