Some mistranslated signs, etc. Dont get them as much these days :(

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In a Tokyo Hotel:   Is forbitten to steal hotel towels please.  If you
are not person to do such thing is please not to read notis.
 
In another Japanese hotel room:   Please to bathe inside the tub.
 
In a Bucharest hotel lobby:    The lift is being fixed for the next day.  
During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
 
In a Leipzig elevator:   Do not enter the lift backwards,  and only 
when lit up.
 
In a Belgrade hotel elevator:   To move the cabin, push button for 
wishing floor.  If the cabin should enter more persons, each one 
should press a number of wishing floor.  Driving is then going 
alphabetically by national order.
 
In a Paris hotel elevator:   Please leave your values at the front desk.
 
In a hotel in Athens:   Visitors are expected to complain at the 
office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
 
In a Yugoslavian hotel:   The flattening of underwear with pleasure 
is the job of the chambermaid.
 
In a Japanese hotel:   You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
   
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:  
You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet 
composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
 
In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:  Not to perambulate the 
corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.
 
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:  Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
 
On the menu of a Polish hotel:   Salad a firm's own make; limpid red 
beat soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck 
let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.
 
In a Hong Kong supermarket:   For your convenience, we recommend 
courteous, efficient self-service.
 
Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:   Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
 
In a Rhodes tailor shop:   Order your summers suit.  Because is 
big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.
 
Similarly, from a Soviet Weekly:   There will be a Moscow Exibition of 
Aets by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors.  
These were executed over the past two years.
 
In an East African newspaper:   A new swimming pool is rapidly 
taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk 
of their workers.
 
In a Vienna hotel:   In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm 
the hotel porter.
 
A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:   It is strictly forbidden 
on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for 
instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they 
are married with each other for that purpose.
 
In a Zurich hotel:   Because of the impropriety of entertaining 
guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that 
the lobby be used for this purpose.
 
In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:  Teeth extracted by 
the latest Methodists.
 
A translated sentence from a Russian chess book:  A lot of water 
has been passed under the bridge since this variation has been played.
 
In a Rome laundry:   Ladies, leave your clothes here and 
spend the afternoon having a good time.
 
In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency:  Take one of our horse-driven 
city tours -- we guarantee no miscarriages.
 
Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:   Would you like to 
ride on your own ass?
 
On the faucet in a Finnish washroom:   To stop the drip, turn cock to right.
 
In the window of a Swedish furrier:  Fur coats made for ladies 
from their own skin.
 
On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:  Guaranteed to 
work throughout its useful life.
 
Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan:   Stop: Drive Sideways.
 
In a Swiss mountain inn:   Special today -- no ice cream.
 
In a Bangkok temple:   It is forbidden to enter a woman even 
a foreigner if dressed as a man.
 
In a Tokyo bar:   Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.
 
In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:   We take your bags and 
send them in all directions.
 
On the door of a Moscow hotel room:   If this is your first 
visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.
 
In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:   Ladies are requested not to 
have children in the bar.
 
At a Budapest zoo:   Please do not feed the animals.  If you have 
any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
 
In the office of a Roman doctor:  Specialist in women and other diseases.
 
In an Acapulco hotel:  The manager has personally passed all 
the water served here.
  
In a Tokyo shop:   Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll 
find they are best in the long run.
   
From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner:  
Cooles and Heates:  If you want just condition of warm in 
your room, please control yourself.
 
From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:   When 
passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn.  
Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles 
your passage then tootle him with vigor.
 
Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
     -  English well talking.
     -  Here speeching American.
 
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