PART 1
It was the day after Armageddon,
Oh, how I remember that day well;
I was sitting at my reporter's desk
Of the periodical "Heaven 'n' Hell".
I saw Gabriel, the Archangel,
Climb to the top of Mount Everest
And the view from its lofty peak
Was, of all mountains, the best.
I had been told some time back
That because Everest was so high
It was decided to accord to it
The prominence once given to Sinai.
And from the majestic summit old Gabe
Shouted out this command: "Hey! You lot!
Wake up! You have an appointment with God,
All of you wasters who have been left to rot."
"Get out of your graves you lazy bunch
Be they in the earth or under the sea,
And those of you who were cremated
Gather your ashes and report to me."
"And you lot who have been buried
For longer than a thousand years
Will wash yourselves thoroughly first
Before your smell reduces me to tears."
"Perfume the sinews you still have left
And cover your bones in deodorant,
For the odour you presently carry
Can hardly be described as fragrant."
"Those of you now reduced to dust
Will be given more time to dust off,
The rest of you will be ready by 0900
In the mess hall, to get your scoff."
"Once you've eaten you will be taken
Straight to the Great Hall of Judgement;
And I don't want to hear a pip from you,
Not a single remark or funny comment."
"You will first assemble, in single file,
In the Courtyard that is fully walled,
And you shall step forward one by one
As you hear your name being called."
"Take your places by date of death,
The older in front, the younger behind;
And murderers, thieves and politicians
Are not to mix with any other kind."
"Right! Off you go, you bunch of losers,
Go and find out what your fate will be;
And to whatever destination you're sent
Try to make the best of your destiny."